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Marriage is a 24/7, 365, second by second, minute by minute work. Marriage is a living breathing document, it is you in partnership with another person, consistently.  For those that aren’t married yet, just got married or have been married a while and have forgotten; You will ALWAYS be working on your marriage. You just don’t work on it when the shit has hit the fan, you work on it when the seas are calm and everyone is in a happy place. When you work on your marriage when it’s in a happy place, then when the shit hits the fan it lessons the splatter and you find that you’ll be able to work as a unified front toward a solution versus feeling like opposing forces.

I am going to share me and hubby’s top three relationship builders that keep us connected. When you do any of these three tips it will, in my opinion help you to feel connected and keep you going.  

  1. Schedule time together – ESPECIALLY if you have children, it’s very easy to place a date and time in your head and then both end up sleeping or playing on your computers. View these ‘dates’ as time, to connect and really see what your mate is thinking. If you hubby is like mine you are going to have to initiate and make sure the dates happen, it’s not that he doesn’t care, he just needs a gentle hand to guide him. We schedule out about 15 minutes 3-5 times a week to just talk about our life, goals, dreams, random silly questions, anything, we end up going much longer than 15.
  2. Go on a date together – I know what some of you are thinking, “Oh my God, but I don’t have, can’t afford a sitter what can we do? During this time, hubby and I learned the art of in-home dates.  There is an awesome site called The Dating Divas  and they have some awesome ideas and resources to create a date night at home. Also, download my Sitter Savings infographic to see how to save for those big date nights. If you have a child with special needs that receives Medicaid, you are most likely eligible for respite care, check with your child’s supports coordinator or case worker.
  3. Let’s Talk Money – Talking about money is hot to me. I love talking to my husband about money and family goals. It wasn’t always that way, we were in so much debt and in two completely different books when it came to money. If you and your mate aren’t communicating about money in a productive way, here’s how you start. Set aside some time on your calendar each pay period (if you have a 9-5) or bi-weekly if you work for yourself. Sit down and go over EVERYTHING. Your first meeting will be about 2 hours, we’ve gotten ours down to about 15 minutes because we are just updating. Once you get the system that works for you in place, it won’t take as long. For this task, I suggest Money a Love Story by Kate Northrup and Women and Money by Suze Orman. Trust me when I tell you that having open communication about money will change your relationship.

Those are three of the things that we use to keep the fires burning in our marriage. This won’t make it peachy keen all the time but it will help to develop a bond with your mate so that when the tough times come, neither of you will feel alone. This isn’t saying you won’t argue or get on each others nerves, but it will help you remember that at the base of it all, love is there and not to hold on to mess that doesn’t matter.

Share: What is your favorite mate connection tip?

Here’s Your Tweetable: “Creating a great marriage is not for the faint of heart or lazy”

Peace Love & Recovery

Charmaine

 

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